Using anal. tool is not cheating, despite what she has told you!
Its a tool meant to help players and allow everyone to investigate potential variations, not just those players who own a physical goban and stones. Remember that disabling those tools will not prevent anyone using real board for analysing ongoing games nor there will ever be any way of knowing if someone does that (unless we demand everyone setting a live video stream of themselves playing, which feels a bit overkill for year-long correspondence games and somewhat questionable for those who like play naked.)
Just keep it enabled by default, no-one is forcing anal. tools onto you if you dont like them, but at least it levels the playing ground for those who have no better options available.