And I am probably just gonna stick with “Hi” from now 
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I’ve always said “Let’s have a good one” because it’s not an imperative (which I generally try to avoid in conversation) and it genuinely expresses my greatest wish, not that fun is had, but that the game is of a quality of which we can both be proud.
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Maybe we could invent some new greetings for the beginning?
- “May we both be relieved when the game ends.”
- “May the game teach us both!”
- “Good game—I’m prepared to learn.”
Sometimes I wish us both an exciting game, and similar to @nadoss I also sometimes write “let’s have a good game”.
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Today is a good day to die.
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invent new greetings that do not demand the other player a good game or demands that they have fun. That is a great idea.
How about:
Hi, This is me, Is that you?
Can’t offend anyone with that 
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I am actually itching to respond “wo?” to “hi”, but practically noone would understand.
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I have pretty much the same experience as the original posting.
I really like playing. But sometimes (in fact, this evening!) I put off pressing “Create Game” because I’m not ready for the stress. Really wierd!
Considering how little a win or loss really means.
It’s about self-esteem, as the OP observes. I don’t think meditation is directly the answer, though it might take one to the answer. The answer is actually to somehow find a platform of good self esteem separate from the outside trivialities of who is better and what people think.
So it would seem the direct approach would be to meditate upon why do I care about this outcome? What does it really say…
…anyhow, great post, interesting to think about, and utterly relatable!
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I feel in the same position. I struggle to play Go despite how much I love the game and want to get better because I am afraid of the stress that playing the game inevitably induces in me. Not sure how to get over it, but it’s good hearing other people who have the same feelings and apprehensions…
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What is worse?
Losing a won game because you made a mistake,
or losing a game by 0.5 points?
Both are pretty devastating.
I was the same way playing timed games. Exposure helps. Acknowledge the stress, then play a game anyway. Then another. And another. Let the stress become excitement. In time, you’ll get used to it. There’re no preemptive measures to take, though. Unless you want to go a pharmacological route, which I don’t recommend for just Go.
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“If you take pride in your attainment or become discouraged because of your idealistic effort, your practice will confine you by a thick wall.” - Suzuki Shunryū, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind
Seems to me you are making a lot of this for yourself. If you define yourself as a failure, a loser, then if you lose a game, then you have already set yourself up, painted yourself into a corner. By your own definition you are a loser. How can it not follow that you experience or inflict suffering, humiliation, anger, punishment? Don’t trap yourself. Maybe you will need to be careful to avoid stepping into the trap you set for yourself to avoid the unpleasant consequences.
What are you? You are not the game or the result. You are not a go player, a winner or loser. It is just something that you do, like shoveling snow or scratching your head. You know the saying “lose your first 100 games as fast as possible”. It dos not say “…and flog yourself each time you lose”. How many people would still be playing after 100 games if they did?
No matter how long you play or how high you go, you will always be a beginner. You’ll always have opportunities to feel like one. Now, with AlphaGo, no matter how good you are, you will lose.
There’s a bit of discussion similar to your post here http://senseis.xmp.net/?SelflessGo
You’re absolutely right: this is the point I was trying to tackle in talking about self esteem.
The root of the problem come from seeking validation externally. “I am good because I won” or “I am good because she thinks I am”.
The trap with this is that your wellbeing is at the whim of external events. You will always loose games and you can’t please everyone, so if your self esteem depends on these things you are in trouble.
This is easy to say and observe, not so easy to deal with if you are in the trap.
I like the advice of “loose the first 100 games as quickly as possible”, so you get used to it. I think that as quickly as possible includes playing with tight timelimits, so you can’t overthink any move, and mistakes are “forced”, so “of course there will be some get used to it”.
Also, playing unranked seems prudent. Otherwise when you loose there is that darn dip in your ranking to remind you forever. Again easy to say, but … compeition is fun, and ranking is part of that. Who wants to be unranked, or low ranked, forever. (Wait, why? Why do you care about your rank … could it be you are seeking self esteem from it? 
)
Fascinating how the arena of Go cuts to a core point of being human 
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I would say painful feeling of not being able to live up to my own expectations usually comes not from losing, but from playing bad. Even if I win, I painfully replay my mistakes in my head, because I know that if my opponent was a little bit stronger they wouldn’t let my win after my blunder. As OP said easier the mistake - more devastating feeling of disappointment it brings. So sometimes losing is ok, as long as you can’t find any obvious mistakes, which is quite rare I would say, in my recent games only one lost game was “perfect” by my judgment.
I know all of this already have been said by other people, but I just lost a game, so I wanted to let a bit of steam get out. I’ll go watch some of the pro’s blunders to make myself feel better.
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Last Saturday, at my local go group, several of us noticed that it seems easier to see mistakes and oversights when watching a game than while playing a game. Perhaps this is due to players often having tunnel vision, focusing too much on a particular plan or expectation. You’re right, it certainly makes one feel better.
…and when you’re losing, it should enhance the sting of failure to know how much chortling pleasure those watching your humiliating defeat get…conservation of karma or something like that.
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I’m sorry that my original reply here was insensitive. I understand comrade S_Alexander’s conundrum; I’ve had similar experiences although not in Go. Only after playing for a fairly long time have I been getting discouraged and that takes enjoyment out of the effort. When I started Go I was very process oriented about it. That goes a long way toward sidestepping reactions that are extreme in either direction.
#rengo_is_pain
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