That’s quite alright. I frequently struggle with insomnia. I’ve not slept well for days at this point… and indeed, with as much experience with insomnia as I have, you learn to find workarounds XD
That said… I have a few things to say here with regard to your follow-up responses to others.
- You don’t have a style of Go. this isn’t me having an unnecessary dig at you… It’s a fact. Style doesn’t really come into play until you know enough about the game to make informed decisions. Even at 5kyu OGS and 1kyu Fox, I can assure you this is the case for me. Yes, there are moves i prefer to play that get a certain result that im more comfortable with because i know the variations that spring forth from that choice… and in some reguards that could be considered a level of informed choice… but the fact of the matter is, we cannot choose a style to play, and or, play a particular style, because we simply dont know enough about Go to make that kind of decision. There is also the debate of Style vs optimally correct choices, and AI being the supposed death of style, with it being the most powerful entity that can play/ process Go.
- Gender shouldn’t be a deciding factor on who is able to be a friend, rival or teacher. One should assess their ability to fulfil that role independent of their gender, and independent of one’s own thoughts about what their “preferred” gender is for a partner. It baffles me, even in this day and age, that we have to have this conversation. Women are more than their sum parts, and indeed can fulfil many roles independent of romantic partnerships, and as you said, finding routes.
- You would do well to kill off any preconceived ideas you have of the above two topics, and indeed kill the ego that forces you to make decisions that are contrary to your own development as a person, and indeed as a Go player…they are related. WE spend our whole lives, some of us, holding onto ideas and perceptions about ourselves, the people around us, and the world around us, that do only harm to ourselves and all the things we hold important in our lives. Learning to let go and make decisions that are right, independent of these preconceptions, is what truly allows us to grow as people, as we broaden our minds, and our understanding of the world… and more importantly, of ourselves too. This is easier said than done, and I am certainly no life coach, qualified to assist with such a project. And frankly, I’m enough of a mess of a person that my hands are quite full.
Take care of yourself… get some sleep when you can. And if you ever need any go-related help, I’m more than happy to lend a hand.