Kajmaj87, you sound to be a solid person with a full life, but perhaps one that places a high value on being the best you can be, which translates to perfectionism, which becomes ratings focused, which becomes unfun and leads to burnout. You fear leaving the game for any substantial period of time (weeks to months) because you’ll return less sharp, less honed, and your wins and rating will suffer. In short, you’ll lose all your gains! Yet, if you keep playing as you are, the games become unimportant, you become listless, directionless in the games…in a word, uninspired.
The solution is to ruin your OGS rating on purpose…I know, it sounds ludicrous, but it works. I’m not saying to throw a dozen games. Instead, I’m echoing what someone above mentioned…play with reckless abandon, like a new player. If your style is territorial, go and fight, fight, fight! If you tend to get corners, instead play the middle board. Say to yourself, for example, I’m going to play ten games each with emphasis on walls…walls, walls, walls! Who cares if you lose rank…you can have the fun of climbing back if you desire…but I bet you’ll learn a lot about the game and yourself in the meantime.
Remember this: life is short, and we are not clawing our way to our pinnacle personal-best kyu rating so that it can be etched on our tombstone. No one but you will ever remember if you were ten kyu or one dan, so play the game for what it is: simply a fun, cool board game.