Old man: I love to play go with old men in the park, donāt you?
Young man: I donāt play go, but why donāt you do so?
Old man: Do you know how difficult it is to find 181 black and 180 white men?
8 Likes
What do you call a game which you are winning, but a bug ruined your chances on doing so?
Answer
Goitus interuptis.
Do you know what happened with the go player, who closed his eyes and fell asleep?
Answer
He died.
8 Likes
Wowā¦ thatās a bitā¦ discomforting.
On the other hand, at least there is some use to pretending to be a rebellious boy by not going to sleep at curfew and so surviving, but instead being a 26-year old studying for their PhD at a school where you should go to sleep at 11:00. hehehehe
Note: Iām not actually 26 and studying for my PhD.
3 Likes
Hmm, no jokes for 19 days. Are we getting just a little bit too serious or donāt go players have a sense of humour anymore?
Two players on the OGS forum are discussing the new ranking system.
Suddenly one says: āI experienced something weird last night when playing some games. Really weird.ā
The other looked surprised: āWhat happened? It is quite unusual that something weird happens on OGS.ā
āI tell you what happened. I won five games in a row, and guess what: my rank went up.ā
A long silence followed.
And then: āUnbelievable, did you call for a mod?ā
19 Likes
Okay, one more.
When the go master died, his youngest pupil was really upset. He missed his master, who was like a father to him, and still had wanted to ask him so many things.
This all changed when he suddenly heard the voice of his master:
Donāt be sad my son, I have gone to a better place. There are no chess players here.
Why not?
There is another place for them. A place by the fire, if you know what I mean.
Master, how are you and what is heaven like?
What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?
The good news!
Okay, this place is really heavenly. There are constantly tournaments with all the great go master of bygone times: Shusaku, Ota Yuzo, Yasui Sanchi, Gennan Inseki, Eio Sakata and many others. You can play against all of them all day long. And if God or one of the angels pass by you get divine inspiration.
Did you know that God and Peter can tell great joke? If those two start, you canāt stop laughing, until the tears run down your cheeks. That means rain down there.
That sounds great. And what is the bad news?
Next week you will play against Shusaku.
10 Likes
I donāt know, that doesnāt sound too bad to me. 
2 Likes
Iāve heard that one before, but itās still a goodie c:
3 Likes
The one about ranking 
relieved the pressure.
In those old times with no internet the first ranked I finally found was 13k and I played just one game which I won how couldnāt I mention it !? no idea before that if I was 23, 19 or 18kā¦ You know how magic he was with a real board, stones and ā¦ A ranking! That was something.
3 Likes
I admit that I used some other material and gave it a new layout.
3 Likes
Two 9 kyu players are taking a break after a heavy fighting go game.
One is silent, but the other one is constantly bemoaning the the fact that his rank goes up and down constantly:
I am so fed up with my up and down jumping rank. Yesterday I was a 6 kyu, but a week before I was a 11 kyu. Tomorrow I will probably be a 13 kyu and next week, who knows? What do you think? You are so silent.
The silent one thinks long, looks up and replies:
I am still waiting for @mark5000ās sequel to Becoming 9 Kyu - A Series for Beginners.
The grumpy one looks puzzled:
I didnāt know there is going to be a sequel. What is it called?
The silent one grins:
I donāt know either, but I hope it will be How to remain a 9 kyu.
14 Likes
As a 9 kyu, I officially approve this joke. 
10 Likes
Alternate ending to this joke.
No it just gives out that itās opponent must be using a bot.
14 Likes
Not really a go joke (or only very, very distantly related to go).
What is the difference between Monty Python and the British government?
Answer
Search me, I wouldnāt know.
But as far as I am concerned, they may GO.
1 Like
A go riddle this time.
What will be the game result when two solipsists play a game of go?
Answer
Considering that they play on a 19 x 19 board with a komi for white of 6.5, black will probably win by 354.5 points.
For those who wonder what solipsism means:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism
5 Likes
Now 10 kyuā¦
10 Likes
Mark should hurry up 
6 Likes
10 KYU VERY MUCH!
Iām here all week folks!
14 Likes
Jokes about ko.
What do you call a quest to save a group via a ko?
A commission. (ko-mission)
Edit: Alternetively, you can call it a cooperation. (ko-operation)
What do you call it when you're playing a ko and you stop thinking and make a bad move?
A collapse. (ko-lapse)
What do you call it when you lose a ko and then half your stones die?
Correct. (ko-wrecked)
What do you call it when you get really angry because of a ko?
Courage. (ko-rage)
11 Likes
I thought it was going to be a konquestā¦
4 Likes
A Japanese, a Korean, and a Chinese professional are watching a tournament: the players have been given thick, golden kaya boards and glossy shell stones.
The Japanese pro turns to him companions and complains:
āThey donāt know how good they have it! My dojo was so poor, we had to play with glass stones until we reached six dan.ā
The Korean pro replies:
āGlass? My school was so poor, we could only afford the cheapest, shoddiest plastic stuff ā and we only had one clock between all fifty of us!ā
The Chinese pro says:
āIn my hometown, we were so poor that we had to play with liquorice mintsā¦ā
āā¦on a board we drew with chalk on the roadā¦ā
āā¦and we ate them afterwards.ā
7 Likes