Go Jokes


#1

I saw a new bot playing far below its provisional rank the other day. When I mentioned this to my daughter, she asked, “If a bot plays badly, should we call it artificial nonintelligence?”


#2

no, call it a bot boy.


#3

What do you call a go game that’s over? Gone!


#4

Go is all fun and games until someone loses an eye!


#5

Conservatives in the USA are vehemently opposed to Go’s handicap system because it is an unfunded mandate and because leveling the playing field makes the weaker player lazy, irresponsible, dependent on handouts and robs them of any ambition to improve their situation.


#6

Being the weakest player in the local Go club feels like:


#7

(B)Nakano Yasuhiro 9-dan VS (W)Ishida Yoshio 9-dan in 2006


#9

This one’s a classic


#10

Ernie had just learned to play Go from a book and challenged Bert, the best player in his local Go club, to a match. Bert submitted to the pressure of the newcomer and granted him a game. He offered to give Ernie nine stones to compensate for the difference in level.

Ernie was offended by this proposal. He told Bert about the virtues of Zen Buddhism. He said that in a Zen spirit, inequality did not exist. He said that Go, as an oriental game, was embedded in Zen spirit, making the idea of handicap stones an utter violation of the true spirit of the game.

The club members tried to defend the handicap system to Ernie but were countered each time with another chapter from Ernie’s Zen library. Ernie started to lose his temper and kept insisting “You can’t force me to take a handicap.”

Eventually, Bert agreed to play an even game. Ernie took black and played his first stone. It was now Bert’s turn. Bert passed…

Bert explained to Ernie that a pass was a legal move. Ernie played another black stone, looking at his peacefully smiling opponent with an eerie feeling.

Only when nine black stones were lying on the board, Bert played his first stone.


#11

They also like invading, and taking away liberties.


#12

If Ernie had passed instead of playing his first stone what would have happened? Presumably he knew about komi. If Bert passes, he wins, should he play? If his intention was to give 9 stones it seems he must. What if Ernie keeps passing? Again, he should play so as to give Ernie opportunity to claim handicap; after all, there was no requirement or limitation on when he has to play or pass.


#13

Indeed, in the past 500 years white has done quite well by taking away black’s liberties. However both players are green under their robes and whether you’re black or white you end up dead on their field of battle or under complete control as a subject or prisoner.

Some joke that is.


#14

counterstrategy: surround corner territory with first 7 stones and then pass :smiley:


#15

Totally obscure Bob Dylan trivia: Yoko Ono tried to teach him the game of Go but he lost patience and swept the pieces off the table. He wrote a song about it. What is it?

Soɹɹʎ’ ʍɹouƃ’ ʇɹʎ ɐƃɐᴉu˙

h_ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-sZFQTCtOs


#16

Come on people, Go is not funny. There is no book of jokes, it must be written here and now. It will take some work. Go for the low hanging fruit*.

What is a rollin’ stone with aji?
A rolling stone

(*In fact, throw in recent drops, anything solid enough to pick up in one piece.)


#17

Q: How many Go players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One, but only if the ladder works.

A: None. If the bulb is dead, they play elsewhere.

A: None. That would be repeating an earlier position.

A: None. A lightbulb once played is not allowed to move.

A: One, unless it’s too close to a wall.

A: None, but only if they have have enough influence to convince someone else to do it.

A: Seven and a half—one to change the bulb, plus 6.5 komi.

A: Four. They have to surround it on all sides before they can remove it.


#18

Just one, but you need to threat him first.


#19

ROFL


#20

If a rolling stone gathers no moss, why aren’t go stones green and fuzzy?

Ԁɐdɐ ʍɐs ɐ ɹollᴉuƃ sʇouǝ˙

click to ear > :dancers:


#21

Q: How many Go beginners does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They can’t see the ladder.

A: None. They don’t know when to keep their position light.

A: Doesn’t matter. They don’t have eyes.