Go Jokes 😆

[mark5000]

And that is the origin of Chinese rules. They kept eating the minty prisoners and losing count, so they devised a ruleset for scoring without them.

[Atorrante]

The go master enters the go dojo and sees to his amazement that his favourite pupil is playing go with a cat.
He sits down and observes the game and finally comments:
That is truly a very smart cat.
The pupil looks up and smiles:
Smart cat? Not really! He only won 3 out of 10 games.

[Atorrante]

John comes home after playing go all night.
His partner asks why he never plays with Mark.
John: Would you enjoy playing with someone who cheats when counting, becomes insulting when tricked into a snapback and swipes the board clean when he loses?
Partner: No, I wouldn’t.
John: Well, neither does Mark!

[bugcat]

If English is your second language, note that the last line should be “neither does Mark.”

So communicates a positive similarity here, as though Partner had said that she would enjoy it.

(And if isn’t, I apologise for calling out your typo…)

[Atorrante]

Thanks, I edited the post.
English is indeed my second language

[bugcat]

Yay, now we can properly enjoy what’s one of the best recent jokes in the thread :3

[Atorrante]

A go player was polishing an old oil lamp that he bought at the antique market.
And suddenly … out popped a genie who said: I will grant you one wish.
The go player rolled out a map of the world and said:
Let all of these countries live in peace and harmony.
The genie looked at the map, scratched his head and said:
You’ve got to be kidding! I’m only a genie.
The go player thought for a while and suggested:
Okay, then make me the best go player in the world.
The genie was silent for a long time and said:
Let me see that map again!

[bugcat]

In ye olde 1950s Japan, each high school was ruled mercilessly by gangs of delinquents who ruthlessly preyed on the weak, extorting cash to buy cigarettes and pompadour oil. Every Friday, they’d collect money from one of the school clubs: the cooking club, the calligraphy club, the Young Communists…

Well, on this fateful Friday, it was the turn of the Go club to pay up. The school boss slammed open the doors of the club room, his underlings following in tow, and grabbed the club president by his lapels.

“You know how to fight?!” he bellowed, lifting the scrawny lad off the floor, wads of tobacco-coloured spittle falling heavily on his victim’s thick spectacles.

“Oh, you’d like to learn?” he replied with the typical unnerving enthusiasm of the Go evangelist;
“I can give you a lesson if you want.”

Such disrespect was unheard of! This little weed was going to have to learn the hard way not to disrespect him!

“YOU???” the boss screamed, shaking the club president like a canteen noodle sandwich –
“What would you do in a fight, eh?!”

“Well, I’d get the group surrounded;” he continued in the measured tone of a patient teacher,
“and then split them up, push them down, and after that poke out their eyes…”

“I’d cut off their stones – which could be really quite painful for them…”

“And finally, when they can’t escape, kill them–”
“It’s good to take your time over this, so they really understand their mistake.”

“Would you like to start now? Wait, where are you going? Come back , there’s nothing to be scared of!”
“Ah, well. The game isn’t for everyone – I suppose it can seem a little boring from outside…”

[Half_is_less_than_1]

@Atorrante

The genie was silent for a long time and said:
Let me see that map again!

The solution is simple, just get rid of all the go players on earth. You will then be the best!

[Atorrante]

Uhhh, that includes you
You would become Minus_half_ is_less_than_zero.

[Atorrante]

Okay, let’s do some moderator riddles and jokes.
Feel free to add your own mod joke or riddle.

Who is the favourite blues artist of all mods?

Answer

Moddy Waters

What do you call a moderator who spends hours in front of the mirror, looking good and dressing smartly?

Answer

A model.

What is the opposite of a moderator?

Answer

An immoderator.

What do you call a very scary moderator?

Answer

Modzilla.

What do you call a big Italian moderator?

Answer

Well you could call that more or less a grosso modo.

And what do you call a moderator who explains the digital world of OGS to its analogue users?

Answer

A modem.

[DoubleU]

Nope, that one’s definitely a joke.

[AdamR]

Not sure if I am being politically correct or the opposite…

[Groin]

Would be stupid to not laughing at the stupidity sometimes.

[Conrad_Melville]

The strong bots are complaining that they can’t get any games with humans.

[bugcat]

If you join the wrong Go club, is it a “misclique”?

[Kosh]

** WARNING **

The recent site-wide rank increase hasn’t worked. I’m still making the same stupid mistakes!

[Kosh]

Cookie

[bugcat]

“reconstructed chat ranks”

[bugcat]

George Prepares to Nuke a Girl

when you accept your opponent’s undo request and he doesn’t return the favour

“I don’t deserve that kind of treatment. You don’t have the common courtesy to return my [undo request]? (…) You think I’m some sort of a loser that likes to be abused and ignored? Some sort of a masochist who enjoys being humiliated? You think you can just avoid me, like I have some sort of a disease – you have the disease! You have the disease! (…) You sicken me! You disgust me! You and everyone like you!”